Reasons Why Timothy Hutton Will Never Look Twice at Me

(Beside the fact that he's married, and beside the fact that we'll probably never even be in the same zip code at the same time.)

1. I've given up shaving my legs except for special occasions (or except for when I need to do laundry and I only have skirts left to wear).
2. I am not graceful.
3. I am not tall (but I'm not short, either, Deals, and I don't buy my clothes at Baby Gap!), and my legs don't "go all the way up." (That expression has always seemed strange to me. Technically, don't everyone's legs go all the way up?)
4. My hiccups aren't ladylike, and I sneeze like my father. That's right, I have a man-sneeze.
5. And then there's the fact that I'm so clumsy...


I don't know what I would do if Timothy Hutton actually did look twice at me. I certainly don't want to meet him because if I met him, then he would become a real person to me, and I wouldn't be able to enjoy any of his films. Instead of Archie Goodwin, for example, I'd see Timothy Hutton playing Archie Goodwin. "He's doing a really good job," I'd say, but the magic of Nero Wolf would be over.